Coming Out As A Spanko

A few days ago I was browsing through some spanking blogs that I frequent and I came across a great post from Alex Reynolds which prompted me to do a sort of similar post of my own!

During her post she discussed coming out as a spanko to the people in her life that don’t have anything to do with spanking (aka vanilla). I thought it was interesting at how casual she is about coming out as a spanko (and a professional one at that) to people who she feels would have no problem with it. That got me thinking about how I’ve also done similar things myself, and have admitted to several of my vanilla friends about my interests (and passions) in the spanking lifestyle…with mixed results!

I have to say that while to us spankos this lifestyle seems quite safe and normal, we have to understand sometimes that not everyone thinks the same way we do. It’s part of being human of course and we’re allowed to have different feelings about different topics.  So in no way am I saying that people who think our lifestyle is disturbing or unsafe is wrong, they’re just entitled to their own opinions…no matter how closed-minded we think it is as spankos in this lifestyle.

People have acted in different ways however when I was brave enough to show them the “real” and “complete” me. I had a friend that I grew up with ever since pre-school, one of those life-long friends that you know always has your back. We have always been close and we’ve never hidden anything from each other. When I first decided to “come out” about my interest he was the first person I was going to tell, because obviously I knew that he would take it and accept me for who I was. I thought “hey, he might even be interested in it himself”. since we were both young and horny teen boys at the time who were up for anything.

Interestingly though, when I did tell him I was actually dead wrong about my assumptions. Sure, he took it and accepted me for who I was just like I thought he would, but he also told me to never bring that stuff up around him because it grossed him out way too much and thought it was just plain wrong. To be honest, I was a little hurt by his reaction at first. I thought for sure if anybody would understand where I was coming from it would be him. Even though he didn’t hold it against me and gave me the whole “whatever floats your boat” speech, I felt extremely…awkward (I guess that’s the right word) for awhile after. I still consider him one of my closest friends. He’s actually the first guy I ever had full on M/M sex with (yes, we were really horny teenagers) and I also can’t believe I just admitted that! Unfortunately though, when I joined the army back in 09 I slowly lost contact with pretty much anybody I knew before then, including him. I had the chance to call him up a few months ago, but for some reason I just haven’t done it yet.

So on one hand, when you come out as a spanko to people, they may react that way. On the other hand, they may react completely the opposite and react the way one of my coworkers did a few years back.

So I was working with a close knit group of soldiers after my deployment to Iraq. There was one woman there,, a little older than I, who was just really awesome and we connected instantly. This was one of those people that just did not have a filter and would say anything that was on their mind, good, bad, or vulgar! She seemed to have this style about her that you could tell you could say anything to her and she wouldn’t mind one bit. So, I gave it another shot and confessed to her my passions about being a kinkster. Fearing I would again be looked at as weird, I almost regretted saying the things that I said. Fortunately though, she not only thought it was pretty cool that I would admit to something like that, she admitted to me that she too had a kinky side to her that nobody saw. Even when I was invited to her house for a Christmas party she showed me her “private” stash in her bedroom. Sure enough, she had paddles, handcuffs, ropes, sex toys, and even a leather corset stuffed in a locked bottom drawer in the nightstand next to her bed. Suffice to say, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had someone working with me that actually “understood” me.

So those are two examples of how things went when I confessed about being a spanko. It’s definitely not easy, and even though you shouldn’t really tell “everyone” you know (IE. bosses, teachers, parents, kids, etc.), you can still go out there and share the complete YOU. Nobody in this lifestyle should feel like they are weird or crazy for having these feelings and emotions for something that society feels is taboo. The only way we can really feel happy is by being ourselves!


This is me...figuratively and literally!

This is me…figuratively and literally!


  1. Jon, I am very impressed with both you and your wife. The way you both think and express your thoughts regarding spanking, spanko’s needs and desires. and the benefits and healthy effect spanking can have on people with those desires is impressive and appreciated. Your acceptance of all people and their unique take on spanking is commendable and an example to all including me.

    Specifically, regarding coming out regarding a persons interest in spanking in the vanilla world, I have done so with many people. My father thought as long as I was happy and healthy about it more power to me. My brothers were envious in a way but it was not their thing. My little sister thought it was cute. My mom couldn’t understand why any woman would accept a spanking from a man. Must be a by product of her 1960;s fight for women’s rights which prevented her from understanding. My friends that truly cared about me thought it was great, very kinky and exciting. A few coworkers felt the same way. I think they thought that because they knew me to be a good man and a good person this desire and interest which they did not understand could not be all bad.

    That being said, I think for the most part it is probably not appropriate to share these thoughts and desires from an unsoliciting public vanilla world. The reason to keep it a secret from others is not because it is wrong, taboo, inappropriate or against social norms, it is simply common courtesy. Just like it probably isn’t appropriate to discuss your views on politics or religion or your sexual orientation with others who may not agree with you because you don’t want them to feel awkward or uncomfortable.

    That’s my two cents worth and we no you can’t buy much with two cents.

    your fan,



    1. Hey Ken,

      Thanks so much for your comment! I was very interested to hear your views on the subject and how coming out was for you in those different scenarios. I’m glad that for the most part things turned out pretty well!

      Look forward to meeting you and yours in Houston next week!

      Thanks again,
      Jon Welts


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