Thought For The Day: Spanking and Safety

Hey friends, just got off another 13 hour shift in the wonderful land of the Afghans.  Day was actually pretty smooth.  Been snowing a lot, so it’s amazing how everything seems to just shut down like someone calls a time out when it starts raining or snowing.

So what had me thinking today during  my over abundance of down time, was actually brought to my attention by the wonderfully talented and legendary Dana Specht, after she read my last story about my first punishment.

She said that I brought up a great point about the topic of safety in our community, and I should look into expanding on that further in a future blog post.  So, after totally agreeing with her about the topic of safety (who am I to say no to a woman like Dana Specht!), it got me thinking about safety and how do people around the community practice it differently.  If you’re perhaps new to the community, how should you practice safety?  What works and what doesn’t? 

Here are my thoughts on the topic and would love to hear some comments from others on what their thoughts are as well.


So for me, when I first started back in 2006, I wasn’t really taught a whole lot about safety.  I guess for a 19-year-old just wanting to experience his first spanking, I guess the topic wasn’t a very high priority at the  time (can you blame me?).  So when I had a chance to take a step back and really look around me to try to figure out what was going on, I realized that I had to kind of slow down a little bit and think things through.  Unfortunately, we still live in the 21st Century where trusting other people, especially the ones we don’t know very well, is not as easy as it used to be.  Due to the internet and advanced communications and all that, society as a whole has found out that there are some people out there that are just….unsavory.

With this in mind, the topic arises about safety.  We have to protect ourselves when meeting for the people for the first time, and this is actually in the vanilla world as well as the Kink world.  You just don’t really know anymore if the person you’re talking to, has some other agenda that may be detrimental to your health. 

For example, I’m sure one of my friends won’t mind me sharing this story with you as it is definitely relevant and people should know that bad things do happen.  I will keep my friend anonymous but she is exactly like us, born spanko, loves everything and anything about spanking and was just looking for a sore, red bottom one night.  She met a guy online (like a lot of people do) and they agreed to meet at a hotel for some spanking fun. She went there alone, and without telling anybody, and long story short, when she got to the hotel, the man she was there to meet ended up beating her senseless and sodomizing her to the point she needed to be rushed to the ER.

Unfortunately, my friend had to learn the hard way about safety in our community, and its also unfortunate that this happens more often than we think every year.  I wish I had some sort of statistic for you to make you say “holy shit!” but I don’t.  However, what I do know is this is a real danger out there and we should all be aware of it.

I’ll use my friend’s case as an example of what she did wrong at the time and what she could have done to prevent it from happening and also preventing it happening again.  I am happy to report though my friend did make a full recovery and is now in a very happy D/s relationship.  As I said, I’m sure she won’t mind she sharing this because I know she is as passionate about safe play as I am.

So the first thing that she did wrong is she never met the guy in a public place in a vanilla setting.  You know, the good old-fashioned “meet and greet”.  This should always be on anybody’s mind the very first time they meet someone new, whether online or in person. Gives you a chance to get to know each other better, also gives you a chance to judge whether or not this person you are meeting is “all there”.  The way that groups or clubs do this is by holding what are known as “munches”.  They are usually at a public restaurant, where the kinky people all huddle together in the back room and they get to know one another.  The group that I belonged to held a munch every 2 weeks and you had to go to at least 1 to be allowed to play at the club.  Out of the dozens of munches that I went to, welcoming new people, there was only 1 couple that was not allowed to join our group.  It was a long time ago but what I remember is that the couple were interested in the type of play that just raised too many red flags and also raised some health hazards for a public setting. So the owner was polite about it and said thanks but no thanks.

Anyways, back on topic, so that’s the first step, always find out who you’re dealing with, and it’s ok if you guys don’t gel or if a red flag or two is raised, there are always more people out there to play with.

The next thing my friend let happen was she didn’t provide clear-cut ground rules on what could and couldn’t happen to her that night.  As far as the guy was concerned, anything was fair game.  You have to set boundaries, rules, limits.  If these limits are broken in any way, it’s time to stop the scene immediately.  This is all supposed to be fun, not terrifying.  Don’t leave yourself open like that.

The next thing my friend didn’t do was she didn’t let anyone know where she was going that night.  No, she doesn’t have to tell her parents where she’s going (most of us try to keep our lifestyle choices away from close family and friends anyways) but we should all have at least one or two friends in the community that we can trust.  If you don’t?  Get out there and find some, hey I’ll even be your friend!  The point is, let someone know where you’re going and that you’re meeting someone new.  Tell them where you are going exactly, and if it’s a hotel, let them know the number to the hotel and the number of the room you’ll be in.  Also an important tip is to set up a “safe call” this is where you tell your friend before hand that you will be calling them from this place at this time, and if you don’t hear from me, then expect something is wrong and call the police.

That’s an important one to let sink in and that right there is one of the best ways to set you up for success when it comes to safety.  If you forget everything else I say (I know, I can be a little boring sometimes) then remember that little tip and you will at least probably make it home alive if you do find yourself in trouble.

Another good tip is to leave yourself an escape plan.  Don’t lose your keys or your cell phone when you get to the hotel room, I know sometimes we get into a hotel room and start our spankings and clothes start flying off faster than we know it and shirts end up on the TV, pants end up in the bathtub, and bras and panties end up swinging from the ceiling fans.  Keep everything together where you know where it’s at in case you do need to make a break for it.

And when you do get out of the bad situation you find yourself in, always remember to immediately call the police.  I know, it’s embarrassing as all hell to try to explain to the police about how you were just in a bad situation while attempting to get your ass spanked, but it’s better than the alternative and letting the guy (or girl in some cases) get away with what she just tried to do.

Oh and Tops, I didn’t forget about you either.  Even though you are supposed to be “in control” of the scene, it doesn’t mean that something bad can’t happen to you either.  A lot of these safety tips can apply to you as well!  Just use your head and don’t try to tough it out.

So, in conclusion, there are my few easy tips for safer play, the main thing we have to realize is to make sure we know who we are playing with, set limits and respect those limits, and if things get out of hand, we have to know how to react and get away from the bad situation we put ourselves in.

So what are your thoughts? I know I probably missed something very important, by no means am I claiming to know it all.  Leave me a comment and I would love to hear from you.  Hey, maybe you can teach us all something new.

Have a good rest of your Sunday spankos.  It’s Monday morning here, and the snow is still falling, perfect time to head to bed.  Cya all soon and happy spankings!

P.S. A big thank you to Dana Specht for the inspiration for this post!  Thanks for being an awesome friend with great advice, and also being a great mentor! 

Dana Specht reminds you to play safe...or else!


  1. That was good advice and I’m sure really could save someone out there. For me I would also not play with someone the first night I met them and also there is nothing wrong with getting references from other play partners or those who know them in the lifestyle.


    1. Thanks for the comment sophie, great advice as well! Yes, I realized after the first time that I rushed into things a little bit too fast and it kinda freaked me out for awhile. Had to really learn and research how to play it safe. Yeah, references from other play partners is great too, forgot about that one.


  2. Great post on safety. One of the things I did regarding the safety issue was a lot of research. I checked out blogs, websites, etc., and started communicating with people in the scene. Before I did anything I researched for over a year and also, since I am fairly new, I contacted someone I talk to once a week about this and other things. I’m not young and safety was the main issue for me.

    Dana is the first person I decided to see, btw. I decided to go to a pro and what led me to her was an interview she did with Richard Windsor. Again, I did my research and asked around. This was over a year into my research on this. I decided to take the plunge and I called her. We set up a date and I went to see her. She is a bit of a distance from me, but it is doable.

    That is how I went about it and I would say to anyone who is new to do a lot of research, find out about munches in their area and go to several of them before considering playing. Go out for coffee and talk about things. I think it is a good idea to do that more than once. See if anyone in the scene knows about the person and check with them, too. A decent person will not be upset about being checked out. If anyone is, then that is a red flag right there. Also, if anyone seems too eager, that may be a red flag, too, although not always.

    Be safe.


    1. Thanks for the awesome advice and the great comment Bobbie Jo! Great to hear that you did some research before you ventured out there and I have to agree, if you’re unsure of where to go, the best way to start is with a pro, and I can say Dana is probably by far, the best out there to see. I hope your experience was a good one and hope things are going well for you now. Thanks a lot for sharing your tips and I hope other’s, especially people new to this lifestyle take notes. Cya around!


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